Oscar Wilde is credited with saying, “If you know what you want to be, then you inevitably become it. That is your punishment. But if you never know, then you can be anything.”
I love this because it points to something fundamental about humans: We are creative and evolving through learning and experience. We are capable of many things as individuals. Our brains are unique in this.
Wilde’s observation also underscores my discomfort over the years with choosing something to call myself and staying in that lane. I have long been puzzled by the idea of labeling ourselves as our professions, and I’ve striven over two decades to stop doing it to myself.
I have achieved some success in this, and I think you can, too. It can be extremely freeing.
Labels are tough to avoid
Ever notice that the first question people will ask you is, “What do you do?” The answer gives the asker a picture of you in a specific role, behaving in a particular way, and having a particular personality. Engineer = nerd. Writer = creative. Rocket scientist = genius.
There are many reasons why we do this. The top reason is that humans like to sort, arrange, and categorize things. It helps us make sense of the world. But then there’s the cultural aspect. In the U.S., the strong association between vocation and identity has deep historical, social, and economic roots in the Protestant work ethic, the “American Dream” of prosperity, capitalism, personal achievement, and the glorification of financial success.
But it’s not this way across the world. In many other cultures, identify shifts from profession to other aspects of life, including community or kinship roles, one’s place within a collective community, social and moral values, and personal interests or passions outside of a paid job.
Many indigenous cultures, such as those in parts of Australia, North America, and South America, define individuals by their communities and relationships with the land. In countries like Norway, Sweden, and Denmark, the emphasis is more on work-life balance and the idea that one’s job is just one part of life. Social identity is more likely to be tied to values, community, and hobbies than strictly to a profession.
But a shift in thinking about one’s identity is tough when you have been raised to find work to do and then keep moving up a ladder in that chosen work; when your self-concept is built on the work you choose.
Untethering takes effort
When I worked in my first profession, print journalism, it did not take long until my persona as a “reporter” clung to me wherever I went. It permeated my relationships. Friends would jokingly say, “This is off-the-record, right?” or “Better be careful! She might quote you!” Just mentioning what I did for pay would spark a lot of comments and questions.
Never mind that I also acted in local theater, was a volunteer in long-term-care facilities, and had a whole other part of my life that nothing to do with working at a newspaper.
One of the reasons I left the profession after more than two decades was that I didn’t want to be type-cast. I love to write. I love to create. Why did I have to do it in a specific way for the rest of my life? Couldn’t I marry my values of community service, relationships, creativity, and love of learning in other ways?
Here’s what I did. You can, too.
I focused on the question, “What do I enjoy doing the most and why?” I wanted to write, and I also cared about the community. I wanted to connect with people and help achieve goals.
- I made a list of the ways I could do this with my writing skills and knowledge. I listed everything I could think of regardless of whether or not it corresponded to a job title. Some of these things: writing for businesses, writing for nonprofits, serving on nonprofit boards, writing for newsletters, and writing resumes. I also thought about topics I could (and did) present, including working with the news media and constructing a grant proposal.
- I researched some of these options. This included meeting with lots of people in marketing, advertising, fundraising, and other roles to find out more about how my offerings matched industry needs. I had great conversations about career paths and personal interests, and the intersection of passion and practicality.
- I filled in knowledge gaps. I attended workshops and read books to find out more about using writing for other purposes.
- I started living the change in my mind, in my imagination. I had conversations with myself about the work I was doing and why it was wonderful. I talked about all the clients I had and why we worked well together. I imagined myself within my new mindset.
- I found a new way to describe what I was doing. Instead of labeling, I concentrated on the reasons I was doing it. If asked what I “did,” I said things like, “I help organizations achieve their goals by finding ways of communicating their missions and activities. I work as a volunteer and sit on a couple of boards. I also help with some of the work, including writing. I just have a passion for positive change in my community.”
This allowed me to grow in different directions. I didn’t feel limited. I found work as a grant writer, a copywriter, a freelance journalist, an editor, a wedding officiant, and a career coach. I helped found and run a local niche newspaper. I also got involved in the local storytelling community and worked onstage and backstage for theater productions.
All of it fits who I am, and I’m not locked in.
Because I haven’t thought of myself as a particular job title, I have felt released from having to exist mostly as a money-earning machine, or from earning money in narrow, particular ways. I have a coaching business that incorporates different kinds of exploratory exercises (even art), and I’m always adding more. I pick up grant writing here and there, and sometimes I am engaged to help people edit documents or write articles. I enjoy creating custom wedding ceremonies for couples who want something tailored to their love stories.
But indulging my interests and living my values extends beyond paid work. I started an artist’s group that meets periodically to work on projects and socialize. I am chairing a fundraising committee. I’m also active in a few local social and service-oriented organizations.
To me, it’s all the same. It’s my expression of who I am.
If you are feeling tired of identifying with a particular job title because you feel boxed in, you might start by finding time to dream. Practice framing your mission and goals in broader ways, then check out ways to pursue them. You just might discover new paths that will delight you and free you.
Want to talk more about this? I’d love to! Email at ruth@confidentcareersearch.com and let’s set up a time to chat.
